Cameron Andrade: My Story
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Proverbs 10:17: "In order to succeed in life, you must have discipline and be open to other people"
My life has had many ups and downs. At times I feel as though I take two steps forward and one step back. This site documents my journey thus far and it is my hope that the lessons I have learned along the way will be as helpful to you as it has been to me.
High School
One of the most awkward moments of my life happened just before my high school graduation. I was in the middle of practicing my graduation speech. Everything was going according to plan when, all of a sudden, my phone began to ring. Instinctively, I reached down into my pocket and ended the call. This was very embarrassing for me because I felt I had done something wrong. This is one early example of how I was made anxious by feeling as though I was a failure and could never do anything right.
My Anxiety
Looking back on this seemingly trivial experience in my life, I am able to reflect upon the role anxiety has played in governing my life. My anxiety over almost all things from the trivial to the consequential have influenced how I live my life up until the present. I act according to how I feel; my anxious thoughts seem to have more control over me than me.
After my fiasco on the eve of my graduation ceremony, it was time for me to embark on my journey to college
When I began my freshman year of college, I knew my anxiety had an iron grip on my life
Looking back on my time in university up to the present, I realize that I was full of anxiety, self hatred and laziness. I would do my work at the last minute, sometimes not turning it in at all. I would spend most of my time by myself watching videos on my phone to pass the time. I also played video games. I have come to understand that these conscious decisions of mine were coping behaviors for my anxiety. Why would I need to be anxious if I could just avoid stressful situations and dive into my own world? I lived like this for about three years or so before realizing that I needed to change. However, committing to changing yourself is much easier said than done.
Free time is death to the anxious, and thank goodness I don't have any of it right now - Jon Stewart
Many times I tried, many times I fell
For many years I knew that I was the problem but, for many differing reasons, I was unable to help myself. In hindsight, I think that the main thing holding me back was my bad habits. Instead of pursing new habits that would help me deal with my anxiety in a healthy way, I would continue my binge Social Media sessions, going from one app to the next over the course of several hours, and medicating my anxiety that way. I needed to break this cycle but, in light of the wisdom shared in the quote above, I also needed to be vigilant and keep myself busy. At present, I have come a long way. I have cut out most social media from my life, watch tv only rarly and have set up website blockers on all of my devices. Right now, I am trying to replace my bad habits with good ones and this is a process that will take time. I will update you on my progress God willing.